How To Improve solicited Application letter

The letter of application will most certainly fail because of these communication problems

   The letter starts with a boring cliché seen on 90 percent of all applications

   The writer does not specify where the job was advertised. There may have been more than one brand manager position.

    The student should not emphasize the fact of “no real job experience” but should seek to emphasize relevant collegiate activities.

  The second sentence is presumptive.

     Even the message about grades is negatively colored with “considering.”

    The last sentence in first paragraph beginning with “my grades” makes the reader sound insecure.

   The idea of the bulleted list is effective; however, the Lamar Franklin Award is not described and may not mean anything to the audience.

     The last bulleted item needs to be more specific.

  The first sentence of the third paragraph is unprofessional.

 The last sentence of the third paragraph is too “we” oriented.

The final paragraph shows a lack of understanding of business hours and interview times.

The writer should be in charge of following up with a call and should state when the follow-up call will be made.

The Format to write a Formal Application Letter 

Sender’s Address (Without Name)

Date

(Receiver’s Address) 

Full Name, Position     

Name of the Company                                                                                              

Address of the Company                                                                                                    

Name the city, Country 

Dear (Title/Last Name):

Make reference to where did you see the position (your website—name the company), name the position (manager)

I’m writing in respond to------------------------------------------------------------------------------------; therefore, I submit----------------------------------------------------------------------------.

(In this paragraph, talk about your education and your achievement-your GPA..make reference to your university)

During my undergraduate studies at--------------------------, I achieved a----------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------While in business school, I concentrated ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.

 (In this paragraph, tell the person about your award (Lamar Franklin Award), describe it, talk about your activities that listed on the closed resume and your part-time job)

In 2007 I received--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You can see from-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------during my last three years, I--------------------------------------------------------------------------

(In the closing paragraph, request an opportunity for an interview and tell the person how you can be reached)

If my credentials seem appropriate for the position, I would -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------. I can be reached at------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Signature         

Sincerely,