The letter of application will most certainly fail
because of these communication problems
The letter starts with a boring cliché seen on 90
percent of all applications
The writer does not specify where the job was
advertised. There may have been more than one brand manager position.
The student should not emphasize the fact of “no real
job experience” but should seek to emphasize relevant collegiate activities.
The second sentence is presumptive.
Even the message about grades is negatively colored
with “considering.”
The last sentence in first paragraph beginning with
“my grades” makes the reader sound insecure.
The idea of the bulleted list is effective; however,
the Lamar Franklin Award is not described and may not mean anything to the
audience.
The last bulleted item needs to be more specific.
The first sentence of the third paragraph is
unprofessional.
The last sentence of the third
paragraph is too “we” oriented.
The final paragraph shows a
lack of understanding of business hours and interview times.
The writer should be in charge
of following up with a call and should state when the follow-up call will be
made.
The Format to write a Formal Application Letter
Sender’s Address (Without
Name)
Date
(Receiver’s
Address)
Full Name, Position
Name of the Company
Address of the Company
Name the city, Country
Dear (Title/Last Name):
Make reference to where did
you see the position (your website—name the company), name the position
(manager)
I’m writing in respond
to------------------------------------------------------------------------------------;
therefore, I submit----------------------------------------------------------------------------.
(In this paragraph, talk
about your education and your achievement-your GPA..make reference to your
university)
During my undergraduate
studies at--------------------------, I achieved a----------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------While
in business school, I concentrated ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
(In this paragraph, tell the person about your
award (Lamar Franklin Award), describe it, talk about your activities that
listed on the closed resume and your part-time job)
In 2007 I
received--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You
can see
from-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------during
my last three years, I--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(In the closing paragraph,
request an opportunity for an interview and tell the person how you can be
reached)
If my credentials seem
appropriate for the position, I would -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------.
I can be reached
at------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank
you-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Signature
Sincerely,
